Soul of the Party

OK, I know this will come as a surprise to some, but recently I've been called upon to attend a few children's parties. And it hasn't escaped my notice that while they claim to be "parties," there's no booze, no dancing and no making out.

Instead, there's usually a scene of over-enthusiastic parents behaving in a way no sane adult should. At the last one I attended, the parents were dressed in swim suits (remember, parents in their forties aren't pretty when skimpily clad - no hard bodies and string bikinis here) and had a tug-o'-war with a bunch of preschoolers. The parents "lost" and fell in the pool. Hilarious, right? Let me tell you, it would have been more hilarious with a glass of Jack Daniels in my hand.

At another, the mother dressed up as Dorothy, performed songs from the Wizard of Oz that she'd been rehearsing for several weeks, and hired day laborers to create a yellow brick path leading up to the party venue.

Children really only attend parties for two things: the cake and the goodie bag. But rather than stand by the front door for ten minutes and hand out a goodie bag and slice of takeout birthday cake, the hosting parents go through two hours of breathless entertainment - or worst still pay hundreds of dollars to children's party performers* - to make sure their offspring has a good time.

And yet, is it really worth it? I think the current trend in excessive kiddie parties really took off in the 80s. Has it paid off? Are today's college students better equipped to party? Do they know how to tailgate like there's no tomorrow? Are they socially superior, entertainmentally evolved, organizationally unchallenged?

The jury's out, but until I get a Jack Daniels, there's no way I'm going to another party where I'm the tallest person in the room.


*Please don't get me started on what a scandalous waste of money it is to pay for children's party entertainers. Untalented-yet-bouncy people sing repetitious songs, make sock puppets dance or strum the guitar for grossly unreasonable sums.