I talked to a guy at a party last night. He reminded me of Jim Cramer from CNBC’s Mad Money, only shorter enough to make me think he was a 7/8th size version of Jim Cramer. I like Jim Cramer a lot, so it was mildly exciting for me to see someone who was almost famous in a slightly reduced size. The real Jim Cramer would have given me advice about what stocks (or equities as the grown-ups say) to sell. Sell, sell, sell! Buy, buy, buy!
However, since this guy wasn’t even a full-size version of Jim Cramer, I had to make conversation, which I don’t really enjoy.
“So what do you do?” he asked.
“Nothing really,” I elucidated.
“What, you’re retired?”
Actually, I’m 45, so even if I’d started work at age 12, that would be a little ambitious. No, I just don’t do anything, was my reply.
I felt like I held the upper hand in this conversation because in this town, if you don’t perform an alpha job, it’s like saying you’re a serial killer. My sense of being a high ranking serial killer was reinforced when I asked him what he did. I could tell he was dying to tell me.
“I work in mergers and acquisitions,” he proudly told me.
“What sort of companies? High tech?,” I played ball.
“Health care, WebMD.”
“Oh, didn’t the guy from Netscape originally set that up or something?” I considerately played along.
“No, no. I would have known that. It’s nothing to do with Jim Clark.”
“Really? I remember reading The New New Thing by Michael Lewis, and I’m pretty sure it’s all about Jim Clark getting into online health records.”
“No, it can’t be.”
At this point, since I know I’m right and the guy isn’t Jim Cramer, I pull out my iPhone and show the fake Jim Cramer that I’m right.
That’s why I’m not good at cocktail conversation.
